I am not as sad or upset as people think I am.
Relationships sometimes don’t work out.
Weight fluctuates.
There are bad days but also great days!
People DO care.
I’m not the person I aim to be yet…
But I’m trying. I will slowly get there. Cutting old habits are the worst. Saying goodbye is sad, but I will be okay.

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my pessimistic thoughts will be the death of me.

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time to let go.but i can’t seem to do it.

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Sooo…I came out to two of my friends today. it actually felt really good and they were beyond accepting. I usually get negative comments and questions but it was good this time. ☺️☺️☺️
My friends are so lovely.
Ps: if you know me from school, Fuck off and don’t pester me with questions or comments. Thank you.

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this past week/weekend was awful. I guess I’m still processing everything that happened and I’m so grateful to have the help of my friends to get through this. honestly, I don’t know how I would be right now, without them. thank you, Alex, Arie, jay, Jess, and nicho.
And tbh, in a way I’m kinda relieved this happened, just not the way it happened

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I need to let go, but I can’t.
I need to stop trying. but I don’t know how. I don’t know who to talk to anymore, and I guess that’s what hurts the most.

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my birthday was alright. I really liked the scavenger hunt that Ben made me. it had a lot of last minute changes but that’s okay, that made it even better. it just would’ve been better if Hood rat were here.
then I found out that I didn’t get the spot to be counselor, I mean that’s alright. I missed too many days and now I can spend more time with hood rat but “school politics” is the dumbest reason to reject me. you two are the biggest assholes I have ever met. you’re so fucking shady but that’s alright. karma, man. just you wait.
I also found out that you find me annoying. you honestly pms more than I do. you think I’m annoying? Really? I haven’t even spoken to you in sooo long. I actually care if you’re okay or not but fuck you. Don’t you dare wish me a happy birthday when you don’t actually care or mean it. go annoy the rest of your friends. And don’t worry about the party. I can do that some other time. thank you for not remembering my birthday until the last minute. Same thing with the both of you! I was always a good friend to you and actually gave you gifts that I knew you would like. Again, Karma’s a bitch, just you wait. Thanks “friends”. but thank you so much Ben, Alex, Lindsey, Tafi, Teresa, Jess and everyone else involved. I actually had fun even though everyone found out about an incident at Thai ahaha ohmygod the embarrassment.

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Things I have to stop doing:
Over analyzing everything
Biting my nails
Giving attitude
taking cat naps
under estimating
Avoiding people

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I don’t know what it is with people and screwing me over.
I’m sorry that I’m such a nuisance and annoying. But don’t cast me out.
I miss my best friend and sucks that he’s states away. I miss my friend group that I use to have and how much fun we had. nothing feels the same now.
Why is it when I finally feel like everything is starting to go right things suddenly Get worse. when I finally feel like I’m getting close to someone again, They just leave me? I dunno, Maybe in just over reacting but I’m getting so tired of it…

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it’s cute how you’re making yourself seem like a victim and me as “a little cunt” HAHAHA okay…
and btw, you two are NOT “kinda okay” you ruined your chances to be okay with him. 

have a lovely day. 

xx

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